Cry in the Night
by charli911
Summary: In the midst of a raging fire, the cry of a child puts Roy and Johnny both at risk.


_**A CRY IN THE NIGHT**_

by Charli

Author's note: There are references here to an earlier story of mine: Member of the Family. You may want to read that one first although it's not imperative to understand this story.

This story was written several years ago and posted to an Emergency! fan fiction site. I'm

trying to consolidate all of my stories now and will put them all up here eventually.

Disclaimer: Emergency!" and its characters belong to © Mark VII Productions, Inc. All rights

reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should

be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or

events is purely coincidental.

I do not own the men and women of Emergency! and only use them here for the purposes of entertainment. No money is made and I hope the creators, writers and actors appreciate that they're creation still resonates with fans after all these years.

_/_

"No!" Johnny yelled. "You just don't get it, do you?" he asked, taking another sip.

Captain Stanley flinched as the beer bottle crashed against the far wall, smashing to pieces.

"It's all my fault," Johnny whispered, sliding down the wall, to sit on the floor.

"Johnny, listen to me," Stanley implored. "What happened wasn't your fault. You were doing your job. And you know that Roy would tell you the same thing."

"Damn it, Cap! Roy is lying in a hospital room because of me! It's Christmas! Kids shouldn't have to lose a parent at Christmas! They trusted me to keep their father safe! I'm his partner, I'm supposed to watch out for him."

"Johnny... Roy isn't dead. He's stable and Doc Brackett says he has a good chance to recover completely. And it's because of YOU that he has that chance!"

"It's because of me that he got hurt," Johnny said, quietly, remembering what had happened just a few hours earlier...

/

Roy DeSoto hated working on Christmas Day. He'd much rather be home with his family. But that's the way the schedule fell this year. The kids had been upset when his wife, Joanne, told them that daddy would be working on Christmas. So they had put them to bed earlier than usual on Christmas Eve, and woke them up the next morning so that they could open their presents before Roy left for work.

Roy glanced at his new watch, a present from Chris and Jennifer for their firefighter dad. It was a great watch, with a Maltese Cross on the face. It was the best present he had gotten, especially since it was from his kids. Joanne had told him that the kids had picked it out themselves and paid for part of it with their allowance money. He had proudly showed it off to all the guys on the crew.

Ever since the men had gotten to work that morning, it had been one run after another. Like any holiday, it was busy. But this particular holiday was always the worst, because of the dangers of Christmas lights and trees. They had already responded to three house fires, and it wasn't even noon yet. There hadn't even been time between calls to return to the station and clean up.

As they filed back into the kitchen after the third fire, the smell of smoke followed them. It permeated their clothing and hair, filling the room. They dropped into chairs, all except Marco, who headed over to make a fresh pot of coffee. They were crossing their fingers that they would have the chance to at least finish a cup before their next call.

He glanced at his watch again, and smiled as he remembered the look on the kids' faces as he opened the box. His partner, John Gage, was watching him, amused.

"So, Roy, I guess you like your gift, huh?" teased his partner.

"Yeah, Johnny, I do. It's the best present I've ever gotten."

John Gage had known all along what Roy was getting from his kids for Christmas, because he had been there when they picked it out. They had asked their 'Uncle Johnny' to take them to the store, because they wanted to pick up their Mom's present the same day. Then they had gone back to Johnny's place to wrap the presents, and he hid them at his house. Chris said he wanted to be sure his Mom and Dad wouldn't try to peek at their presents. Johnny had gotten a kick out of that one, as had Roy, when Gage had relayed the story to him.

Johnny envied Roy sometimes. He enjoyed spending time with Roy's family, especially now that he was an 'official' member of that family. Several months earlier, after an almost fatal accident, which had left Roy and Joanne hospitalized, the DeSotos, including Roy's brother, Tom, had 'adopted' Johnny. Since then, they always tried to include him in family gatherings. He hadn't been able to make their celebration that morning, though, since he had volunteered to work for another firefighter who hadn't had a Christmas off in three years.

Since Johnny had no children of his own, and his family was so far away, he always tried to volunteer to switch with one of the guys who had kids. He would be going to Roy's after their shift the next morning, and would celebrate Christmas with them then. Tom would also be there, and the kids were looking forward to having Christmas twice!

/

The fire was in a four-story apartment building and was working it's way up to the second floor when they arrived on scene. Most of the residents were probably settled in for the night, many already asleep, worn out from a busy day, when the fire started.

A second alarm had already been called and several ambulances were on the way. As the Fire Trucks and Rescue Squads made their way to the fire, they could see the flames from a mile away.

As Squad 51 pulled up on scene, they could see at least two people on the ground in front of the building. And they could hear the screams of many more who were still trapped inside.

People leaned out of several windows, yelling for someone... anyone... to rescue them. Others ran from the building in terror, and kept running down the street, wanting to get as far away from the building as possible. As they exited their truck, a man jumped from the third floor, landing in bushes that had been planted along the side of the building. They started toward the man, but he got to his feet, and took off running.

Squad 39 had arrived just before them and was heading over to check on the two on the ground, so they turned back to their truck and pulled their air tanks from the side compartments.

"Johnny, Roy," called Captain Hank Stanley. "Chief wants you guys to head in and help with evacuation. Take the top floor and work your way down."

"Right, Cap," they replied in unison, as they finished pulling on their air tanks and masks, then jogged across the street and into the smoke and flames. As they made their way up the stairs, they passed frightened tenants scrambling to escape the inferno. As they climbed, the smoke became thicker and darker. Johnny carried an ax, in case they needed to break in a door to check for victims. They knew they wouldn't have a lot of time. This was an old, wood-frame building, with no sprinkler system. And the fire had gotten a good headstart.

As they walked down the hall on the fourth floor, they banged on doors. "Anybody home?! Hello. Fire Department!" they yelled, their voices muffled by their masks. Many of the doors were already open, flung wide by fleeing tenants. They checked each apartment then closed the doors behind them in an effort to keep the flames from spreading too fast. Then they marked a large 'X' on the door with chalk, to show that they had checked the rooms and they were clear.

As they reached the end of the hall, and the last two apartments on the floor, Johnny heard a muffled cry. He stopped, turning his head, cocking his ear in an effort to determine where the sound came from. His partner noticed that he'd stopped, and started to call him, but saw that Gage was listening for something.

"Johnny, what is it?" he asked.

"I heard a cry, Roy," he informed him.

"Where?"

"Can't tell. From back here somewhere, I think," he said, pointing back the way they'd come.

"Johnny, we already checked those apartments. There wasn't anyone in any of them."

"Roy, I'm telling you I heard a cry!" he insisted.

"Could it have come from outside, or one of these last two apartments? You know in this heavy smoke, sometimes directions of sound can be deceiving."

He saw Johnny nodding at him, but could tell that he wasn't convinced.

"C'mon, Johnny, let's check these two apartments, just to be sure it wasn't someone in either of them. If we don't find anybody, then we can re-check those last few again. But we don't have a lot of time, we're getting low on air."

They hurried to the last two apartments and checked them quickly, not finding anyone. As they started back down the hallway, Roy's tank alarm started sounding, meaning five minutes of air left in his tank. Johnny looked over at him, expecting his own alarm to go off any second.

"C'mon, Johnny, let's re-check a couple of these apartments and see if we can find your victim."

"Roy, your air..." he began.

"We've got a few minutes, Johnny. If someone is still in one of these apartments, we need to find them."

Johnny nodded and followed his partner to one of the X'd doors. They were checking the fourth apartment, when Johnny heard the cry again. It sounded like a baby crying. He turned to look at Roy, and saw that he had noticed the sound, too. They went into the back bedroom again, trying to locate the source of the noise.

The smoke was getting thicker, and they were having to crawl now. But hearing the cry again spurred them on. Suddenly, Johnny's air tank alarm began to go off. The victim must have heard the alarm, because the cry came again.

"Roy, it sounds like it's coming from over to the left," Johnny told him. DeSoto and Gage headed toward the noise. They felt their way around the bed, and followed the noise again. It sounded like it was coming from the dresser. Roy edged closer. Sure enough, it _was_ coming from the dresser. He pulled open the bottom drawer and peered in. It looked like an infant, and it was still crying. He reached in and touched the baby's leg, but it felt funny... stiff. As he got a close-up look, he uttered a sharp curse.

"Roy, what is it?" Johnny asked, anxiously.

"A damn doll!" he explained.

"A what?!"

"A doll! A doll! One of those stupid dolls that cries."

"Oh man!" Johnny exclaimed. "Sorry, Roy, I thought..."

"C'mon, junior, let's get the hell out of here."

"I'm sorry, Roy, it sounded so real."

"No sweat, partner. I heard it too, remember," Roy assured him. He put his hand on Gage's back and nudged him toward the door. As they entered the hallway again, they could see that the smoke and flames were now blocking the route they had taken up. They turned around to search for another set of stairs on the other end of the corridor.

Just as they reached the stairs, they heard Captain Stanley call them over the portable radio. Roy pulled it from his pocket and answered.

"HT 51, where are you guys, Roy?" asked Stanley.

"Still on the top floor, Cap. Just finished our search and are heading out for fresh tanks."

"Make it quick, guys, this thing doesn't look like it's gonna hold up much longer. We've cleared the rest of the building and are pulling everybody out. We're going to just try to keep it from spreading to the neighboring buildings."

Roy and Johnny exchanged glances. They weren't going to be able to save the building, that's what the Captain was telling them. So the Chief was pulling all the firefighters out for safety reasons. It was becoming unstable, and the Chief didn't want to risk any lives on a building that was a loss anyway. So they would pull out of the building and hose it down from the outside, hoping to keep the fire contained to just this one structure.

"On our way. We'll be coming down the west end of the building. The center stairs are completely blocked by flames."

"10-4, HT 51, we'll be looking for you."

DeSoto jammed the radio backed into his pocket just as they reached the door to the stairwell. He grabbed the knob, turned it and pushed, but the door wouldn't budge.

"C'mon, Roy," Johnny urged, "we gotta get out of here. The fire is right behind us."

"It won't open. I can't get the door open."

"Is it locked?" he asked.

"Locked or jammed. Let's try the ax."

Roy stood back as Johnny lined up a shot with his ax. He swung the tool in several short, powerful strokes, until the door around the lock splintered and it sprung open. But the rush of oxygen coming up the staircase through the now open door fed the fire, causing it to jump toward them more quickly, eating up the space in the hall.

"Move it, Roy!" Johnny yelled as he and his partner rushed through the door and slammed it behind them, closing it as best they could, then hastened down the steps.

As they passed the second floor landing, they heard several popping noises, and the next thing they knew they were being bombarded by pieces falling on them from the ceiling. They were both knocked to the floor, hitting hard, and being hit by more and larger pieces of debris.

"Roy, are you okay?" Johnny asked, after a moment.

Getting no answer, he turned to look for his partner. Roy lay on the floor about five feet behind him and he wasn't moving.

"Roy! Answer me!" Johnny cried, moving toward his fallen friend. As he moved he felt a burning along his neck and down his back, but ignored it as he reached out to check on Roy. He touched him on the arm and Roy moaned. _Thank God! At least he's still alive!_

He knew that Roy could be seriously injured, but also knew that he had to get him out of the building before the rest of it came down on top of them.

He heard the alarm on Roy's tank sounding again, a different sound this time. The tank was empty now. Johnny quickly pulled his partner into a sitting position, then placed his hands under Roy's arm and stood him up long enough to drape him over a shoulder. Then he started down the steps again.

He knew that his tank would be empty soon too, especially with the extra exertion of carrying someone. He hurried, but didn't rush so much that he would lose his footing. He knew that if he fell neither of them would make it out. And he wasn't about to let his partner die.

He heard Stanley calling again over the radio, but didn't take the time to stop and answer. He would talk to him once Roy was safely outside. Stanley called a second time, and a third. He was getting worried, Johnny could tell by the sound of his voice. And with good reason, Gage thought. Hopefully, he'll send someone to this end of the building to help. As Johnny reached the final landing before the ground floor, his own alarm started sounding. He now had an empty tank.

Only a few more seconds and he would be outside. But as he started down that last set of steps, he saw flames at the bottom, starting to lick at the railing. _Not now! Damn it, I can't go back the way I came!_ He searched for another way out, but in the smoke he could see nothing. _Noooo! We're so close! _

He heard the Captain calling again. Carefully, he lowered Roy to the floor and reached into his turnout coat pocket for the radio.

"Cap, it's Johnny."

"Gage! Where the hell are you?"

"We're at the 1st floor landing on the west end of the building. Cap, Roy is hurt, unconscious. I can't get through here, the exit is blocked by the fire."

"Johnny, can you go back up? Get to a window and we'll get you out that way."

"No Cap, the ceiling gave way on the second floor, won't be able to get any higher," he said, and found himself coughing. "And besides, we're out of air. We have to go out this way. Maybe I can find an apartment down the hall and get out a window there."

"Johnny, the whole ground floor is fully involved now."

Johnny muttered a curse, and looked at his partner. Only one thing to do, he decided, and spoke into the radio again. "Cap, I have to get Roy out of here. We're going to be coming straight out the west door through the flames. Be ready with a hose for a wet down."

"We're ready, John. Tell us when."

"Now!" He stuffed the radio into his jacket pocket and picked his partner back up, hearing him groan. "Hang on, Roy, we're getting out of here."

Johnny faced the door, or what he could see of it threw the smoke and flames. He could barely make out the red exit sign flickering over the door and headed toward it. He ran, hoping he wouldn't trip on something. He could feel the flames engulfing him, the heat searing into his lungs. Where the hell was the door? Had he miscalculated?

He could see the lights from all the fire equipment, but he couldn't get through the flames. He was so close, but his lungs were crying out for air. _I can't make it any further. I'm sorry, Roy, I just can't go any more. It's gonna be a horrible Christmas for you family, Roy. God, I'm so sorry!_

He fell to his knees, dropping his burden to the ground. He heard a hissing sound and felt hands grabbing at him, removing his mask and air tank, then unbuckling his coat. He heard voices, but couldn't make out what they were saying. He began to cough again and collapsed to the ground, staring at the night sky, stars peeking through here and there between the clouds of smoke rising from the building. The sky...he could see the sky. And then he blacked out.

/

He opened his eyes and saw white. Focusing, he realized he was staring at a white ceiling, with a large, bright light hanging down from a fixture overhead. The light hurt his eyes, so he closed them again. Then he heard a voice, a soft, feminine voice calling his name. He opened his eyes again, carefully, so as not to be blinded again.

And looked straight into the eyes of Dixie McCall.

"Well, hello there, good-looking. Glad to see you're up from your nap." He tried to talk, but found that he couldn't. "Easy there, Johnny. You've got a tube in, so don't try to talk. You've got some burns, and you took in a bit of smoke. Are you in any pain?"

He thought about her question, slowly taking inventory of his body. As he did, he became aware of a great deal of pain, wincing when he tried to move around. He nodded at her.

"Okay, okay," Dixie said. "Just relax, let me get Kel in here, and see if we can't do something about that, huh?" She smiled down at him, and walked away. A few minutes later, Dixie returned, with Dr Brackett in tow.

"Well, how is our star patient doing?" he asked, with a smile on his face. He reached for his stethoscope and began listening to Johnny's chest. "Breath sounds are getting a little better, Dix. Looks like our hero here will be fine with a bit of rest."

_Hero? _Johnny looked at Brackett and Dixie, confused. He tried to remember what happened to him. He recalled the apartment fire and going into the building with Roy.

_Roy! Oh, God, where was Roy? _

Seeing the look on his face, Brackett became concerned.

"Johnny, what is it?"

He tried to talk, tried to ask about his partner, but with the tube in he couldn't make himself clear. He pounded his fist on the gurney, frustrated, wanting to make them understand.

"Take it easy, Johnny. Are you asking about Roy?" asked Brackett.

_Yes!_ He nodded, sharply, begging Brackett with the gesture to tell him about Roy. Brackett and Dixie exchanged a glance.

"You just relax. You're both going to be just fine. Thanks to you, Roy got out of the building in time. He's just down the hall. He's hurt, but I think he'll be okay." Brackett turned to Dixie, and gave her instructions for Johnny's treatment, and then turned back to face his patient. "Johnny, I'm going to go talk to your Captain. The crew has been pretty worried about both of you. I'll be back in a bit."

/

Early the next morning, Johnny was transferred to a room. They removed the breathing tube and he was able to drink a little water. His throat was sore and the cool water felt good going down. The first thing he did, as soon as he could, was ask again about his partner. His voice was raspy from the tube and the smoke he had breathed in. He looked at Dixie as she checked his pulse again.

"Dix, how is Roy?" he croaked.

"Johnny, don't worry about it. Roy is in good hands. Your Captain tells us you did a helluva job getting him out of the building."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Johnny persisted.

Dixie placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him.

"Kel and Joe are taking care of him. Don't worry. They're doing everything they can for him."

Frustrated, Gage started to sit up, only to have Dixie gently push him back onto the bed.

"Dix, please, tell me, I have to know!" Johnny pleaded.

Dixie sighed. Johnny wasn't in any shape to hear bad news. But she was afraid that if he wasn't told something, he would make his own condition worse by trying to get up and go see his partner.

"Let me go check on him, and I'll be right back to give you an up-date. Okay?"

He nodded and she walked out of the room, worried about how he'd react when he was told the seriousness of Roy's injuries.

She sought out Kel Brackett, finding him in the ICU waiting room talking to Roy's wife, Joanne, and Captain Stanley. He was talking to them about Roy's treatment. Dixie approached them, hoping to pull Brackett away when he was finished and explain Johnny's concern about Roy.

"Dixie, hi," Joanne greeted her. "Dr Brackett was just giving us an update on Roy's condition. I wanted to thank you for everything you did for him in the ER."

"I was just doing my job, Joanne. But you're welcome. We try to give a little extra TLC to special people like Roy."

"How's Johnny?" Joanne asked.

"He's awake again and asking about Roy," she said, with a meaningful glance at Brackett. Joanne saw the look that passed between them, confused by what it meant.

"I don't understand. You seemed concerned about that," she ventured.

Kel sighed, looking at the floor, then raising his eyes to meet Joanne's. He looked over at Stanley, questioningly. The Captain just gave him a small nod.

"Joanne, we didn't want to worry Johnny by telling him the extent of Roy's injuries. He doesn't know that Roy is in ICU. Or that he's listed as critical."

Joanne closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You can't lie to him. You have to tell him," she said quietly, opening her eyes to look at the doctor and his nurse.

"Joanne, I don't think Johnny is strong enough yet. I want him to rest some more before we tell him about Roy."

"Dr Brackett, you know more about this than I do. But Johnny is not going to let this go. He will continue to bother you until you tell him the truth. He'll know something is wrong and just get more agitated if you don't tell him," Joanne insisted. "Johnny is like a brother to me and Roy. He has seen my family through a great deal of pain. Let me talk to him."

"Joanne, do you think you're up to this?" asked Stanley, with a hand on her shoulder. "You've been through an awful lot the past couple hours."

Joanne smiled up at her husband's boss, happy to see how concerned he was. Roy always talked about what a good man he was to work for. Joanne was beginning to understand why. Stanley had been with her since she got to the hospital, right at her side, ready to help her with anything.

Dixie watched the two, knowing they were concerned about both Johnny and Roy. "Kel," she began, "I agree that Johnny needs to be told, but I think you should do it. No offense, Joanne, but if Johnny is to be told about Roy's condition, I think the extra emotional burden of having you there, would be too much." She walked over to Joanne and placed a hand on her arm. "I think it would be best if Kel told him and you can visit him a little later, after he's had the chance to let the information sink in."

"Whatever you think is best, Dixie," she replied, placing a hand on Dixie's and giving it a squeeze. "I don't want to hurt Johnny any more than he already has been. He saved Roy's life. I will do anything I can to help him get better."

"Okay, Dix, let's go talk to Johnny." Brackett looked at Stanley and Joanne. "We'll be back a little later. Joanne, I'll check in on Roy after I get done talking to Johnny."

"Dixie, tell Johnny I love him," Joanne requested. "Thank him for me and tell him I'll come visit him later." Dixie smiled and patted Joanne's hand.

"Tell him I'll be by in a few minutes," Stanley told her. She nodded at the Captain as she and Kel Brackett left the room.

/

Johnny was staring at the ceiling when they walked through the door. He looked over at them, watching their faces as they stopped next to his bed.

"Morning, Johnny," Kel greeted him. "Dixie tells me you're a little concerned about your partner's condition." He pulled up a chair and settled in to speak with his patient.

Johnny nodded. "Is he okay, Doc? Tell me the truth."

"Johnny, we've taken Roy up to ICU. He's got some burns and a concussion. And he breathed in quite a bit of smoke." Kel watched Johnny's reaction.

"How bad?" he croaked.

Kel hesitated, raising his eyes to look at Dixie, than back at Gage.

"He's critical, Johnny," he said, flatly, not elaborating.

"Critical?" he managed, a stunned look on his face. "Critical." He turned to look at the window, not really seeing anything. He had been able to remember what had happened the night before, remembered the fire blocking the door, the ceiling coming down. And the doll. That stupid doll. They had been delayed getting out of the building because of a doll.

"It's all my fault," Johnny whispered, speaking to himself. "God, Roy, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I thought it was a victim. What did I do?"

"Johnny, what are you talking about?" Kel asked him.

But Gage wasn't listening. He had closed his eyes and was muttering something about a doll. Brackett thought it might be the medications they were giving him. "Johnny, we're going to let you rest. Get some sleep and I'll be back later to look in on you. I'm going to go down and check on your partner."

Kel and Dixie headed for the door. "Doc?" Johnny called from the bed.

"Yes, Johnny?" Brackett asked as he turned to look at the paramedic, who was still staring out the window.

"Tell Roy that I'm sorry. I never meant for him to get hurt. It should have been me. It's my fault and I'm sorry."

Brackett and Dixie exchanged concerned glances, and Kel walked back over to the bed.

"Johnny, none of this is your fault. You got caught in a fire. If it hadn't have been for you, Roy would have died in that building. Captain Stanley told us what you did to get Roy out of there. You literally ran through fire with him. You have nothing to be sorry about."

Brackett kept trying to reassure him, but Johnny just kept shaking his head. "It's all my fault, if I hadn't heard that cry, we wouldn't have gone back into that apartment. We would have gotten out of the building sooner, before the ceiling came down. He wouldn't be hurt if it wasn't for me." Johnny looked up at the doctor. "It's all my fault that he got hurt. Tell him...tell Joanne...I'm really sorry. Tell them..." he didn't finish, just closed his eyes and turned his head away.

Kel and Dixie again tried to talk to him, to let them know that he wasn't to blame, but he wasn't listening. He didn't respond to them at all. Dixie reached for his hand, was going to check his pulse, but he pulled it away from her and turned away.

"I'm fine, Dixie," he told her, quietly. "Go take care of Roy, he needs you more than I do."

"Okay, Johnny," she told him. "We'll go check on Roy, for now. But I will be back in a little bit, and I expect you to be more co-operative." She knew he was in pain, and wanted to give him a little time. But she was a nurse, and was concerned for him as well. She gestured at Kel, indicating that they should leave. He followed her out of the Johnny's room.

"I don't like this Dix. From what Captain Stanley told us, Johnny put his own life in danger running through that fire the way he did. Why does he think he's to blame for this? And what was that bit about a doll?"

"I don't know, Kel. Let's just give him some time. He'll come around. He just needs to get some rest."

/

But Johnny didn't rest. He was thinking about the doll. That doll. If he hadn't heard that stupid doll, they wouldn't have gone back to check the apartment again, and they could have gotten out of the building before Roy got hurt. _Damn it!... Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I'm sorry, Roy!_

Throughout the day, Kel and Dixie came back to see him. And Stanley and the rest of the crew visited. Most of the time, he pretended to sleep, not ready to speak to any of them. And he refused to see Joanne. He wasn't ready to see her pain. Maybe later he could talk to her. Maybe later. When he was finally alone again, he reached a hand up, and pulled the IV from his arm. He wanted to go see Roy. Had to see Roy. He got up from the bed, his arm dripping blood from where he'd pulled the needle out. He slipped on the robe that Dixie had set at the edge of his bed and opened his door, heading down to ICU.

As he walked into the unit, he didn't see any nurses around. He looked up on the board and found Roy's name listed. Turning around, he started down the corridor toward his partner's room. He walked in, looking at Roy's face. He looked to be asleep, so Johnny sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"Hey, Roy. How ya doing, buddy?" he asked his unconscious friend. "I sure am sorry about this. I wish I'd never heard that stupid doll. This never would have happened ...I'm really sorry." He watched the machines that Roy was hooked up to, listening to the beeps from the heart monitor, watching the drip on the IV. Closing his eyes, he said a silent prayer, then got up and walked back out of the room.

/

"He's gone," Brackett said.

"What do mean—gone?" Stanley asked him.

"Joanne and I went in to tell him the good news about Roy," Brackett told Stanley, "but he was gone."

"He just got up and walked out of the hospital?" Stanley asked. "Is he well enough to do that?"

"No, he's not. That's why I'm concerned. Johnny is still very weak. He'll be feeling the pain from the burns on his neck and back. And his lungs are still not completely clear. We need to find him and get him back here, and soon."

"Okay, doc, we'll start checking around. I'll send Chet out to his house to make sure he didn't go back there. And Marco and Mike will check some of his other friends."

"I've already put in a call to other hospitals in the area, in case he collapses and is brought in to one of them. And I've contacted the police and let them know. A lot of the officers that work this part of town know Johnny and will be keeping an eye out for them. He can't have gone far, he's only been gone about 20 minutes."

They found him an hour later, at a local pub. The owner was a retired fireman, who knew the Station 51 crew well. Johnny had wandered into the bar about 30 minutes before, wearing a pair of surgical scrubs, and started drinking beer. He was now sitting on the floor in the back room, trying to get drunk.

And that's where they found him, still sitting on the floor...

/

Stanley was still trying to reason with him 30 minutes later. Chet and Marco had come by too, trying to help their Captain get through to Johnny. But they were no more successful than Stanley. They had tried to convince him to return to the hospital, but he adamantly refused. He was haggard looking, his eyes sunken in his face, and they could tell he was in pain. When Stanley had reached out at one point and placed a hand on his back, he winced from the pain of the burns he had received during the fire. And then he had pulled away, withdrawn within himself. He hadn't spoken a word to anyone for at least 15 minutes.

"Hank, let me talk to him," Joanne DeSoto said from the doorway. Stanley turned to face her, seeing Mike Stoker just behind her.

"Joanne, I don't think he wants to talk to any of us right now. Maybe it would be best to just force him back to the hospital. We could have Dr. Brackett come over and give him some kind of shot to knock him out."

Joanne was watching Johnny, who was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, arms over his knees. He had lowered his head onto his crossed forearms, and been sitting, unmoving, for the last 5 minutes.

"Give me a few minutes alone with him, Hank," she told the Captain.

"Joanne, I don't think that's such a good idea. He's been smashing beer bottles against the wall since he got here. I'm not about to let you get in the way of that."

"Johnny won't hurt me, Hank. Just a few minutes, okay?"

Stanley nodded after a moment, and called for the others to follow him out of the room, but stayed near the partially opened door just in case he was needed. Joanne walked over to Johnny, and lowered her self down until she was sitting on the floor next to him. She reached over and placed a hand on his back, careful of his injuries, and started speaking softly to him.

"Hey, Johnny, how are you feeling?" she asked. When she didn't get an answer for several seconds, she spoke again. "C'mon, Johnny, please talk to me." He still didn't say anything, didn't even acknowledge that she was in the room. "Johnny, honey, I came here to thank you for what you did," she began, not expecting a response from him, and not getting one. She began to run her hand up and down his arm, comforting him, like she would one of her children. "Roy told me what happened in that building. He said you saved his life. You've done that a lot for us and I will never be able to repay you for that." Still, he didn't make any move to indicate that he knew she was there. "Johnny, please talk to me. You're scaring me."

Finally, he lifted his head and turned to face her. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept in days. And his breathing was a bit ragged too, she noticed.

"What are you doing here, Joanne?" he asked quietly, somewhat bewildered at her presence.

"I came to check on my little brother," she told him. "You're a member of the family now, remember."

"You should be with Roy, Joanne. He's the one that needs you right now. I don't deserve to be part of your family anymore."

"I think we should be the judge of that, Johnny. And I'll be back at Roy's side as soon as I know that you're okay."

"I'm fine. Now go back to your husband."

"Roy wanted to be sure, that's why he asked me to come."

Johnny didn't say anything for a moment then jerked his head around to look at her again. "Roy asked you...? He's awake?"

"Yes, he is. He woke up about an hour ago, not too long after they removed the breathing tube.

"Thank God," Johnny whispered.

"Thank _you_," Joanne told him.

He remained silent for a long minute then shook his head. "Don't thank me Joanne, I almost got him killed. If he wasn't for me..."

"If it wasn't for you," she interrupted, "he would never have gotten out of that building alive, Johnny. And my kids would have been fatherless for Christmas."

"Joanne..."

"No, Johnny, let me finish. Roy was able to tell us what happened inside that building before he got hurt. I know that you've been blaming yourself because you're the one who first heard the crying. But Johnny, Roy heard it too. And he thought it was the real thing, just like you did. Otherwise, he wouldn't have gone into the apartment."

"But we wasted so much time."

"Not wasted, Johnny. Never wasted, not when it means possibly saving a life. I know you too well. You're just like Roy. Your life, your career, revolves around helping people, saving lives. What if it hadn't been a doll? If it had been a real baby, would you have thought the time wasted then?"

He looked at the floor and answered her. "No." But it was so quiet, she almost didn't hear it.

"Johnny, you couldn't have known until you checked. And if you hadn't checked and there had been a real baby, _you_ would have died, _in here_," she said, pointing to her own chest, her heart. She moved around to sit in front of him and placed her hands on his forearms, which were still crossed over his knees.

"Johnny, Hank told me what you did for Roy—-carrying him through the flames like you did. Oh, he didn't want to tell me, but I forced him to. He thought it might frighten me too much to hear about how Roy got hurt. And it did, of course. But do you know what scared me more?" She had his full attention now; he was staring into her eyes. "The thought that this might have been the last Christmas my kids spent with their father."

She stopped for minute, the emotions catching in her throat, making her voice crack. She thought back to those first hours, waiting for the doctors to stabilize Roy's condition. Not sure if he would be okay. When she felt that she was steady enough to continue, she told him about her feelings. "The only thing I could think about right after Hank came and got me was how, if Roy died, Christmas would forever be a horrible time of year for my kids. They would never be able to celebrate the holidays without feeling the pain of their father's loss. You saved them from that, John Gage... John Gage-DeSoto. And for that, I will be eternally grateful. Thank you."

He watched her face for several moments then quietly told her "You're welcome."

She smiled then. "You look tired, Johnny. What do you say we get you back to the hospital? You've got a lot of people worried about you, including four very frightened fireman outside that door there," she said.

He nodded and she started to get to her feet, but stopped when Johnny grabbed her arm. "Joanne...is Roy really gonna be okay?" he asked, an anguished look on his face.

She knelt in front of him and took his face between her hands. "Yes, Johnny, he's going to be fine. And so are you. Now, let's get you back to the hospital, before Dixie sends out the National Guard."

"Okay, big sister, you're the boss."

"That's right, little brother, and don't you ever forget it."

He didn't feel quite so drained now and let her help him to his feet. They walked slowly to the door, his arm across her shoulder, hers around his waist, supporting him. Captain Stanley drove them back to the hospital, where Dixie was all prepared to lecture her patient about the consequences of leaving the hospital without permission. But she stopped when Joanne shook her head, letting Dixie know that Johnny had already been through enough. They helped him back into bed, where he promptly fell right to sleep, even before Dixie was finished checking his vitals. Joanne headed back down to ICU to check on Roy. She wanted to let him know that his partner was safe and back in his room.

/

Two days later, Roy was moved out of ICU and into the room with Johnny. They had gotten the chance to talk, and just like Joanne had told Johnny, he found that Roy didn't blame him for what happened. Joanne visited that afternoon, glad that they were both in the same room. As they talked, a nurse came in the door.

"Mr. DeSoto?" she inquired, looking between the two men.

"That's me," Roy said, raising a hand to acknowledge her.

"I have your personal property. Nurse McCall said that you wanted to have your wife take it home for you."

She handed the envelope to Roy, who emptied it onto the bed, as Joanne signed the form that the nurse handed her. Roy sifted threw the items from the envelope, smiling when he found what he'd been searching for. He held up the watch that the kid's had given him for Christmas, placing it to his ear to assure himself that it was still ticking. He was glad it had made it through the fire.

Johnny and Joanne exchange smiles. "Hey, Roy, I see your watch survived, too. I'm glad. I remember you told me that it was the best present you had ever gotten."

"The second best, now, Johnny," he remarked. "You gave me the best present I've ever gotten."

Johnny was confused. "Roy, you and I haven't exchanged gifts yet."

"You gave me a gift this year that I will cherish forever, partner- the chance to see my family again, to spend next Christmas with my kids. The chance to have another anniversary with my wife. I will _never_ get a better gift than that."

Johnny didn't respond. But he looked at Joanne and winked. "So, I guess that means I can return the gift I bought you and get my money back."

Joanne started to laugh as Roy grabbed his pillow and threw it at his partner then he joined the laughter as well.

THE END


End file.
